Do you ever scroll through social media and see everyone on your timeline balancing life so seamlessly that you can't help but wonder, “Why can’t I have that?” 

Well, I am here to tell you that:

1. Everything on social media is fake or exaggerated, 

2. Self-Development is possible even if you are down in the dumps… you just need to know how to start. 

In this article, I will be helping free yourself from comparisons and unrealistic expectations. This article will cover three main areas: mastering detachment, healing from past trauma, and prioritizing self-care rituals. Before we get started, it's essential to note that self-development is for everyone.

Part I: Detachment: Letting Go for Inner Peace

Tam Kaur, self-development youtuber & podcaster, explains detachment in her video How to Emotionally Detach. She says; “Detachment is the art of experiencing our feelings without letting them control us.” 

In other words, it is the practice of letting go of emotional attachment to situations, individuals, or outcomes that harm us and do not benefit us. By doing so, you essentially release things that are beyond your control, and this creates a sense of freedom and inner peace like no other. Contrary to popular belief, detachment is not a lack of caring, instead, it is a healthy, non-possessive relationship with the world around us. By practicing detachment, you set yourself up for success since it helps in creating healthier relationships, reduces stress, and aids in your self-development journey.

The easiest way to begin detaching, according to Tam Kaur, is by understanding the six Laws of Detachment:

1. Allow others to be who they are and stop trying to change them or force connections.

2. Allow yourself to be authentic.

3. Do not attach yourself to outcomes and do not force situations.

4. Acceptance of Impermanence.

5. Everything happens for a reason, so let go of past regrets and future worries.

6. Embrace gratitude and contentment.

Understanding these laws and even just attempting to implement some of them in your life is already a huge step in mastering detachment and therefore beginning your self-development journey.

Part II: Healing from Past Trauma

Before starting any sort of self-development journey, the most important step is to acknowledge your past trauma(s). By doing so, you can begin the healing process and focus on your emotional well-being. Traumatic experiences include abuse, neglect, loss, accidents, or witnessing distressing events. These may occur at any time, whether during childhood or adulthood, and can leave lasting imprints on an individual's emotional state. 

Now, as we delve into trauma healing tips, it's essential to emphasize that, hands down, the best approach is therapy, and I highly recommend seeking it as a priority before anything else. I will be including some resources at the end of this article that could also help you out!

1. Engage in physical activity: A natural response to trauma is hyperarousal and fear. To combat this attempt light exercising to release endorphins.

2. Surround yourself with loved ones and have a trusted support system.

3. Do things that will heal your inner child: those silly little things you used to get berated for as a child? Do them!

4. Forgive yourself for past mistakes!

5. Physical health is just as important as mental health: good hygiene and general physical health will always be correlated with a good mental state and vice versa!

6. Seek professional help: Everyone should try therapy, even if you think you don’t need it.

These are just a few tips to get you started on healing your trauma. You deserve to heal and feel good about yourself and your life, and this change must come from within you. No one can heal your trauma for you! 

Part III: Prioritizing Self-Care Rituals

Self-care is a term that is thrown around a lot these days and it can get confusing sometimes, but the truth is self-care is anything that makes you feel good. Technically, self-care refers to the intentional and proactive practice of taking care of one's own physical, emotional, and mental well-being. And this could be anything. Self-care is a very important step in your self-development journey for multiple reasons, mostly due to its ability to help you acknowledge your wants and needs, create better boundaries, help with stress, and reduce burnout and fatigue. 

For the sake of multi-dimensional tips, we will be discussing self-care in terms of physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual care. It is up to you to decide what works best for you and what you want to incorporate into your life. I recommend trying multiple self-care techniques/rituals and sticking to a few that work best as to not overwhelm yourself!

1. Physical Care: Exercising, cooking good meals, skincare, sleeping 8 hours, etc…

2. Emotional Care: Journaling your thoughts, meditating, spending time with loved ones, connecting with nature and animals, etc…

3. Mental Care: Reading, learning new skills, doing absolutely nothing and relaxing your mind, etc…

4. Spiritual: Practicing manifestation and affirmations, connecting with your beliefs, mindfulness practices, etc…

Another major self-care ritual that I learned from Tam Kaur and have been implementing in my personal life lately is taking myself out on dates! Whether that be a walk in nature with some snacks or a trip to Starbucks alone. It helped me get over my fear of being alone in public spaces and allowed me to realize how I should be treated by romantic partners. Taking yourself out has to be one of the most relaxing and liberating things you can try!

Self-development is a multi-dimensional journey that is personal and different for each person. No one’s journey will be the same as yours, so it is your job to find what works for you and begin this process. The worst thing you can do is compare your journey to others because every step you take, even if they are small, is a step in the right direction and you should be very proud of yourself! I hope this article gave you a bit of clarity on how to start, but from here on it is up to you to decide whether you want to upgrade your life! 

Resources:

• Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

• Self Development books: 

• Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel S. F. Heller

• The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment by Eckhart Tolle

• Atomic Habits by James Clear

• https://www.mhanational.org/self-help-tools  

• The Trevor Project: Texting START to 678-678 or calling 1-866-488-7386

• Tam Kaur on YouTube 

Article sources:

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/ptsd-trauma/coping-with-emotional-and-psychological-trauma.htm 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FuIxoMFVgxM&ab_channel=TamKaur 

Check out our social media for more resources: 

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/necessarybehavior 

Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/necessarybehavior/ 

Twitter: https://twitter.com/necessarybehavi 

Tumblr: https://necessary-behavior.tumblr.com/ 

And you can find more articles like this on Lemon-Aid