My New Year's Resolution Was to Be More Assertive
Written By: Grace Mintun
Date: January 19, 2026
December 31, 2024, 11:31pm. My partner and I are sitting down on our couch, writing down our goals for the year. Our goals had always been more concrete, something that we could easily count and check off a list. For example, three new foods a month or reading 100 books a year. Goals that we could easily quantify if we stood back and looked at our year as a whole. I never really went for the more abstract goals that couldn’t easily be distinguished. But an idea forms in my head. Maybe I could help the whole meekness thing I had going on. I always wanted to be confident, but it was more than that. I wanted to be a go-getter. Someone who saw what she wanted and took it. Someone who stood up for herself and was the first one to speak, not the last one, waiting for everyone else to go so “I would know what to say”.
So, I looked at my partner and asked, “What if my goal was to be more assertive?” Looking back, it kind of defeated the purpose to ask, but that’s where I was at. Waiting for other people’s approval and permission to make decisions in my life. My partner was gung-ho about it and encouraged me to write it down, so I did. I squared my shoulders, breathed out, and shakily put “Be more assertive” at the bottom of my list. A late edition, but not an afterthought. From that moment forth, with that one mindset shift, I started to see a change.
First, meet me before this experiment: People pleaser, always says sorry for everything, and lets people walk (and talk) all over her.
What I wanted to become: Someone who spoke her mind, did what she wanted, and got what she deserved.
Lexi via Unsplash“What I wanted to become: Someone who spoke her mind, did what she wanted, and got what she deserved. ”
The first lesson came with Necessary Behavior. Zoe, my boss, always pushes us to be our best and always meets us where we are. But I knew I could do better. I took on a position that had more responsibility, and with that responsibility came more tasks, more stress, and more ways that I needed to step up and take the lead and stop letting other people take it for me. I got better at telling people not only what they were doing well, but also what they needed to improve on, and I started actively stepping up to take on additional roles to help out more. I decided I had to make the first move if I wanted things to change, so I moved myself first.
The second lesson came to me in the form of health. I’m chronically ill and disabled, and for the past few years up to this point, have not really left my house other than for grocery visits or doctor’s appointments. I certainly didn’t drive to them. My first goal was to get my health figured out so I could take what I needed to in order to function. This included medicine changes, physical limitations reevaluated, and the correct diagnoses. I scheduled doctor appointment after doctor appointment, not letting insurance snafus get under my skin. But that was just the start.
Not every doctor believed I was sick, and so advocating for myself became a whole new ballgame. I knew something was wrong, and sometimes even the nurses could see it, but the doctors could not. With the power imbalance of doctor and patient, it’s hard to sometimes stand your ground when you know something is wrong, but this year was the year I was going to do something about it. I got very good at walking out of doctors’ offices if I wasn’t being heard, asking them to note refusals for tests in my chart, and saying on multiple occasions, “If you’re not going to help me, I will go find someone who will.” Many doctors changed their tune after they realized one, they were going to be held accountable with a paper trail, and two, that I was willing to take my money elsewhere if they didn’t actually put in the work.
As a result, my medicines got reevaluated and my health improved drastically, to the point where I was able to get my first in-person job in YEARS and I was able to drive for the first time in the same amount of time. For others, this may be the bare minimum of normal, but for me, this was life-changing.
The third lesson came in the form of my relationships. Some got better as I reached out to people, but others fell by the wayside. You may not think that’s being assertive, but being a people pleaser is all about what makes the other person feel better, even to my detriment, always. So certain friends that didn’t reach back out or didn’t actively make an effort back were gone. As a result, I was able to focus my mental energy more on the people who actually cared and took time for me, and I didn’t have to wade through as much toxicity as I usually did, which is always a plus. Instead of staying silent through arguments or disagreements and not letting my opinion be heard, and just taking what was thrown at me, I actually stood up and let my voice be heard. I was speaking back and having a conversation, rather than feeling like a bowling ball was barrelling over me.
A few other things improved, like my mental health. By prioritizing myself more, I had more time and space to fill others’ cups as well. It’s amazing what you can do if you take care of yourself first. It’s like how they tell you to put on your oxygen mask on a plane before putting it on someone else. It really is true.
While being assertive, I had a “do no harm, but take no shit” kind of mentality. Maybe while reading this, you’ve noticed some things in yourself that mirror my story and want to do something about it. The first step is choosing yourself. I know it’s a few weeks into the new year, but it’s never too late to choose to be assertive for the better.
Cut to now, healthier, more opportunities, a closer circle of friends, and a brain that knows that my decisions are good ones, that I don’t need to run to everyone else for approval. It all started with one shaky hand and a list. Maybe being assertive can be on your list too.
Written by: Grace Mintun
About the author description: Disabled, chronically ill, neurodivergent and queer Editor in chief and Creative Director at Necessary Behavior.
Tags: Resolutions, New Year, Confidence
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