I try my best not to judge my feelings. When I was younger, I used to spiral at the slightest suggestion that I was feeling differently than another person. I always assumed that meant I was feeling the wrong thing, that I was overreacting, and that I had to adjust my expectations of those around me. I would wish away those feelings and push them away like my old, overflowing tote bags that I store under the bed. 

Now, I’ve learned— through experience, unfortunately— that those tendencies are entirely unhelpful in getting anything you want. I’m currently in the process of learning how to prioritize my feelings, instead of deeming them bad or wrong. And I’ve been doing a pretty good job, if I do say so myself. But as the winter months continue, and every time I step outside I’m greeted by a gust of cold air that forces tears to well up in my eyes, I can’t help but find myself slipping back into old thinking patterns. 

I was talking with my therapist last week about the stark halt I’ve felt in my progress since it’s been freezing in New York. We concluded that with more time inside, there’s more time to ruminate and doubt. I left that meeting with lots of good coping skills, but the same lingering feeling that I had something to fix. 

That’s the tough thing about winter. No matter how hard you work on yourself, it still gets dark at 5 PM. And you can’t control it unless you harness the sun's power or something like that. 

Regardless of your sun-wielding abilities, here are some pieces of advice I’ve picked up to curb the cold weather from disturbing your progress, or at least some that I’ve found helpful, and I hope you do too. 

1. Journal, so you know how you feel.

And do it by hand. Writing by hand unlocks your subconscious, I think (I’m not a scientist, just a writer, so maybe I’m biased). No matter what it does exactly, it always helps me to put a pen to paper and sprawl a stream of consciousness. And I consistently end up feeling more clear-headed afterward. 

2. Resist hibernation urges, sometimes. 

I think some level of winter hibernation is normal and healthy, at least for me. But, if I don’t push myself, I will spend the entirety of January through March inside my apartment. I try to say yes to one outdoor plan a week, even if I don’t want to. It’s usually more fun than I think it’ll be. 

3. You can’t change a feeling. 

When my therapist said this to me I responded, “What do you mean, you totally can,” which she was not impressed with. Turns out that’s a left-over people-pleasing behavior. All this to say, I’m still working on believing this one too. But it’s probably true, my therapist has a Ph.D. 

4. Give yourself grace. 

Be patient and try to listen to your body, even if it’s saying something you don’t want to hear.

The winter is hard for a lot of people. You’re not alone in feeling stuck, sluggish, and depressed. We’re all working through it, the best way we know how. So find a cute winter jacket that you love, and before you know it you’ll wish it wasn’t so hot and sticky outside.