After everyone, or just yourself, is done, here are some ideas to use to comfort yourself and/or partner(s) after doing the deed.

Check-ins are important for both your emotional and physical wellbeing. Emotional check-ins to see how the other person or yourself is doing. Was anything too much or too little? Are you emotionally satisfied? If with a partner, are they emotionally satisfied? A physical check-in can address physical aftermath such as how did things feel, were they enjoyable, are you or your play partner physically content? This also can include cleanup or checking on markings if the scene was rough. There’s the practical side of things that can include things like showering, but also rehydrating and eating a meal or a snack. Talking out these things are important, not only with a partner but also with yourself. Communicate your needs, wants, likes, dislikes, yums, and yucks clearly. These can be in the form of pillow talk like compliments or a bit more structured by debriefing on exactly what you did and didn’t like about what just occurred. If alone, feel free to journal about some of these things too.  

Sometimes after sex or solo time comes this hormonal rush of guilty, shameful, or depressed feelings. It can be anxiety, irritability, agitation, or even sadness. Sometimes it’s in reaction to what you did and what you think people would maybe think about you if they knew you enjoyed it or if they perceived you in that way. Maybe it’s guilt over internal biases that the world has inflicted on us. This is permission to allow yourself to comfort yourself even if you have those feelings. Not only in spite of, but also because of those feelings. Reframe those feelings in your mind by thinking the opposite of what negative thing your mind is trying to convince you is true.