Have you ever had a crush or felt a strong connection with a celebrity or fictional character at some point in your life? Or, if not, have you ever gotten wrapped up in a cycle of watching seemingly endless “Day in the Life,” “Get Ready with Me,” or Mukbang videos on social media? Have you ever wondered why these are often so appealing, even though you don't know these people personally? Well, you’ve likely dabbled in the world of parasocial relationships. 

Parasocial relationships are “one-sided relationships in which a person develops a strong sense of connection, intimacy, or familiarity” with someone who they don’t really know, and who doesn’t know them. They’re often directed to a media personality or a fictional character, and can be found in almost all entertainment industries: music, TV, gaming, social media, and even sports. While they might seem untraditional, some researchers claim that parasocial relationships can actually be beneficial, especially as a source of inspiration for younger groups who often lack adequate media representation. According to researcher Rachel Forster, when youth minorities develop close bonds with characters they identify with, it can help them feel less alone, especially within such a limited media space. Additionally, talk shows like The Ellen DeGeneres Show and The Oprah Winfrey Show intentionally build parasocial relationships with their audiences. These women become like the audience’s best friend through directly addressing them or the viewers at home. 

While parasocial relationships can help to build a strong fan community, or fandom, they come with a dark side. When they go too far, or become too obsessive, it can get very dangerous, very fast. 

How Obsession Affects Celebrities

When people aren’t able to acknowledge that the person on the other end of their parasocial relationship can’t reciprocate their feelings, it can lead to some nasty results. Their feelings can quickly turn obsessive, leading the fan to desire more and more from a celebrity, regardless of the celebrity’s boundaries. This sort of obsession can also make situations like a parasocial breakup elicit real, lasting feelings of grief and suffering. As such, with such strong feelings arising, issues of doxxing (leaking private information), stalking, SWATTING, and other numerous inappropriate interactions with fans can ensue. 

This obsession is especially dangerous when it involves real people and not just fictional characters. When a fandom gets too big or unregulated to the point where it produces obsessive behavior as commonplace, it becomes a big issue. For streaming platforms like Twitch, where audiences have access to live, direct chatting with creators, parasocial relationships become an inevitable side effect, whether unintentional or otherwise. These fans' relationships with these creators slip into something closer to idolatry, rather than recognising that it’s just a person playing video games. While being viewed this way might initially sound appealing, it comes with a lot of problems: suddenly, fans are trying to delve into your personal life, becoming obsessed with learning about your deepest, darkest secrets or the crazy sex life you must have, never taking “no” as an answer. This has become such a common issue that big creators like Ludwig, Markiplier, and JSchlatt spoke on this matter with audience PSAs. On a second channel, JSchlatt described why these relationships can be a problem: 

“It should be pretty clear to you guys that I don’t want you to know all about me… like, you’re a number for me… I don’t love you. I could tweet that I love you, but that’s not true, and when I see relationships being formed like this, that… that are just so one-sided in nature, I can’t help but feel kind of concerned.” 

Other creators have also faced similar issues. Within the past few months, famous YouTubers Dan Howell and Phil Lester, known for their duo comedy, gaming, and vlogging content, have announced that they are in a relationship. In this video, they speak on the obsessive fandom shipping they experienced for the past 16 years, going beyond fans writing silly little fanfictions, and into fans stalking, harassing, doxing, and trying to find the smallest bits of evidence that they could be dating, as if they were owed that personal information. Dan Howell described how invasive this felt, especially when he had not yet come out as gay: 

“This is why all of the digging from people online hit a nerve, because Phil was my safe space… what we had was the most important thing to me, and I wanted to protect it, so when other people tried to grab it and drag it into the light, I felt completely violated.”

When parasocial relationships become the level of obsessiveness that results in delving into the personal lives of creators without their consent, it’s an issue. As Ludwig and JSchlatt stated, these people are not gods—they should only be viewed as a source of entertainment, like a television show you can turn on and off when it stops being entertaining. The existence of these relationships can control celebrities’ lives: needing to be perfect every time they’re in public, being advised or banned from romantic or sexual relationships, or even needing constant security. 

How Obsession Affects Fans

Obsessive parasocial relationships are not only harmful to the creators and celebrities but also mean that fans are vulnerable to being easily preyed upon. Living in such a strong delusion can lead to these individuals making harmful decisions for themselves regarding their responsibilities or finances (e.g., donating hundreds of dollars for a Twitch streamer’s acknowledgment). The gaming industry is well known for being predatory in this area, catering to parasocial relationships to increase audience engagement and retention rate, despite these relationships being with fictional characters. For example, games like Love and Deepspace, or even Genshin Impact, have coupled gacha mechanics (gambling-like systems that use real money) with dating simulations.  While not as big of an issue in moderation, these kinds of mechanics can be predatory, preying on obsessive fans by continuously feeding into their delusions—just as long as they pay first.

Celebrities can also cater to parasocial relationships in a predatory way. One of the most infamous examples is when erotic internet personality and OnlyFans creator, Belle Delphine, sold her “GamerGirl Bath Water.” While this was viewed as a joke to most, gaining internet notoriety overnight, it also genuinely appealed to a male fanbase that would purchase it in an “attempt just to feel closer to the one girl that ever paid them any attention,” which is parasocial at its core. Not only do practices like this distort how these men view an average woman, but it also preys on their loneliness and their finances by promising a product that can give a more intimate, physical connection.

So, while it’s not bad to have the occasional celebrity crush, just make sure to continually evaluate yourself and your interests—especially in settings where a parasocial relationship can be encouraged to bloom. As much as you might desire or fantasize about it, these celebrities do not know you and will never become your real friend or lover. Instead, they’re real people who hope to entertain or provide you with a service. So give them the respect they deserve, all while respecting yourself.