If you’re anything like me, you might have noticed a change in how this New year’s felt compared to the past. Things like the holidays don’t carry the same excitement they did when we were kids. Part of the reason that New Year’s feels stressful rather than exciting is the expectations that come along with it. It’s associated with celebration, partying, and gathering in large crowds, but it’s also associated with the new goals and expectations of having a fresh start to be a “new me” for the next year. 

Another expectation that can lead to feeling worse on the Holiday is the expectation that you must be happy and connected to others. Even if all you want to do is stay in, you might feel FOMO (fear of missing out) because it feels like literally everyone else in the world is having fun with each other without you. Maybe, you do decide to go out, and you could be having a good time, but a lot of times reality will never reach the happiness you anticipated for the celebration. Experts at University College London did research that showed that happiness is not based on how well things are going, but on how much worse or better things are going than expected. 

The only way to move past these feelings of reality not meeting our expectations, is to throw our expectations away. Stop thinking that others are having more fun than you, because there are tons of people probably thinking the same thing. Don’t feel pressure to go out and celebrate if it’s not something you’d usually enjoy just because others are. It might help if you accept that New Year’s isn’t what it used to be or it’s just like any other day, it can be a day that you take to yourself and do what you enjoy, celebrate yourself because life is hard and we all made it through another year. 

Beyond celebration, New Year’s is a time that we reflect on the past year which can feel depressing if you haven’t accomplished all of the goals you’ve set out for yourself. Comparing yourself to others or even past years where you’ve done more can lead you towards a downward spiral mentally. Instead of thinking about all that you haven’t done, reflect on all of the things that you have and it’s most likely more than you think. It can seem daunting at first, but if you have trouble coming up with anything, scroll through your photos. Think back on the hard moments and recognize that you overcame them but also think back on moments where you experienced joy because little pockets of happiness are always an accomplishment. You could write a letter to yourself for next New Year’s with all of these memories and goals that you’ve reached to remind yourself that you are capable. 

Speaking of goals and expectations, the expectation that this New Year will be a fresh start for all of us to become better versions of ourselves can weigh on us heavily. Year after year I’ve also fallen into a pattern of writing enthusiastically ambitious goals that I never end up striving towards and by the next New Year’s Eve I’ve completely forgotten most of them. Still, even though it can be overwhelming, it’s also somewhat comforting to feel like you can have a fresh start. A chance to do all of the things that you didn’t do the year before. In reality, it’s not really a fresh start, you’re still you, but this new year can be a continuation of your journey in cultivating your character and developing in ways you might not have in years passed. I can’t help but still write myself New Year’s resolutions, even if I failed them before, but every time I learn something about myself. I’ve learned that expecting yourself to start January 1st, is an unrealistic expectation. Give yourself time to take in the new year, and take things day by day. Going slow and giving yourself the right amount of pressure to start doing the things you’ve planned for yourself. 

If you plan on joining me and writing down some New Year’s Resolutions for 2025, then make sure the goals that you set are smart. Not, only literally intelligent, but S.M.A.R.T goals. Be specific; don’t be vague or ambiguous, state what you want to do, clearly. Make them measurable; include a way to measure your progress and how to know once you’ve completed your goal. Aim for achievable: don’t succumb to unrealistic high expectations, make sure it’s reasonable and realistic taking into account your capabilities. Make sure the goals are relevant. The goal should support your broader objectives and be relevant to what you're focusing on at the time.

To give you an example, I’ll share some of my own goals for the New Year: Take one half hour walk every week. This way I’ve set a realistic expectation for myself that makes me feel obligated to complete it. I have to tell myself “It’s only 30 minutes, how can I not do it?” That way, I can easily complete this goal every week, but I can also exceed that and feel proud for going beyond my expectations. Another goal I have for myself is to read one book every month. I’ve taken into consideration that when I get really into a book I can finish it in one day, but when I don’t have the mental energy to read I can go months without picking up a book, so setting a realistic goal will help me do something that’s not only good for me, but I love doing. 

Taking all of this into consideration, just because you fail to meet your own expectations, doesn’t mean you can’t always try again tomorrow. In fact, you can try again at any point in the year. There doesn’t need to be some big checkpoint to tell us when we can set our goals. Everyone works at a different pace. When setting goals for yourself it’s also important to set goals that help you have fun like how I’ve set a goal of watching 4 movies a month. I’ve set aside Fridays as a day where I can relax and unwind by putting on a movie so I can decompress after a stressful week. If you feel exhausted after 2024, I recommend setting a goal of setting aside time for yourself.