As we progress into modernity, it makes sense that each area of our lives is being reevaluated—shifted to better meet our needs and wants. We see this in the increasing discussion about moving away from traditional household norms, including reconsidering the idea that having a romantic partner means sharing a bedroom. However, many are intimidated by such changes, especially when it's a move away from what they’ve always thought was the norm. To those who feel this way, a couple having separate bedrooms means a source of tasty gossip, a sign of tense times, a loss of physical intimacy, and a pending breakup. But for many relationships, having separate bedrooms is not a sign of dysfunction. Instead, it’s quite the opposite: it supports better sleep habits, provides avenues for self-expression, and overall enables a resilient, close relationship. 

A situation in which separate bedrooms can be beneficial addresses poor sleep compatibility, a common issue that may arise between couples. This can be affected by many factors varying from person to person: loud snoring, different schedules, temperature preferences, constant movement, or just how light a sleeper one might be. For example, one individual may require noise to sleep, while the other needs complete silence, with no area to truly compromise. If couples try to force this compatibility, it can lead to one or both halves of the relationship suffering from sleep deprivation, eventually affecting their mental and physical health. This then causes stress on the relationship by impacting one’s ability to communicate and regulate emotions. Suddenly, the reduced empathy means the little things become huge problems. To avoid this, establishing separate bedrooms becomes a choice based on improving health and well-being, also without impacting the intimacy that can be shared at other points of the day.

Beyond just sleep, having separate bedrooms can be a solution for couples feeling creatively or individually stifled in their relationship and physical situation. Sharing a smaller space permanently, with each partner bringing their own interests and hobbies, can be challenging to accommodate in one room, especially if these interests are conflicting. Think of an individual who loves heavy metal having to place their posters or memorabilia next to their partner’s love of everything aesthetically coquette. These differences in a relationship should be nurtured and shared, but not in a way that forces one to stifle any part of themselves. Instead, having that extra room will give a space for each person to decompress and encourage intentional presence, where partners choose to be physically close to each other instead of having to default to it. While many ways and areas allow personal expression beyond just a bedroom, many might not have access to those kinds of spaces or prefer a bedroom as their chosen personal sanctuary. Should a couple determine that two separate bedrooms are the solution for their situation, then they should be allowed to choose that without any outside speculation and judgment about the state of their relationship. After all, having two separate bedrooms for the sake of individuality doesn’t automatically mean sleeping apart, either.  

Despite how separate bedrooms might be a practical and even health-forward choice for many couples, many still disregard these benefits. Instead, they feel inclined to question the couple’s physical or emotional intimacy. These judgments are not only distasteful and rude, but they can prevent a couple from making the choice that might be right for them. Instead, understand that relationships don’t always have to look the same, and that’s okay. These differences, like choosing separate bedrooms, aren’t inherently a sign of tension or growing apart, but can be a thoughtful choice that encourages and preserves the relationship. For this reason, the strongest pairings are the ones that choose what works right for them, whether or not it includes sharing a bedroom.